Movie: Guns Akimbo (2020)

All I knew before seeing this movie was that it starred Daniel Radcliffe and he had gunhands. That was all I needed to know. With the Alamo Season Pass, movies are $1.72 now, plus a slice of $20, and that slice is smaller the more movies I see in a month, so why not?

Well, opportunity cost, that’s why not. Time spent watching movies is time not spent doing other things, like spending time with my wife or riding my bike. Or watching something better at home.

”Guns Akimbo” acts like it wants to say something about online trolls, but trolling is just a McGuffin for Yet Another First Person Shooter Movie. I don’t get Twitch. I never want to watch other people play video games. I’ve never understood the appeal of that, or movies that simulate that.

That’s all there is in this movie. No compelling characters, no growth, no parables or metaphors. Just a fake mashup of “Doom” and “Street Fighter”. Oh, and “Max Headroom”.

For some reason this movie is slathered with late 80s, early 90s trashy cyberpunk aesthetic. There are multiple cultural references to the period, but a specific focus on “Max Headroom”. I enjoyed that show back then, but it always felt a little like someone’s parents’ take on cyberpunk. Like TV people in their 30s trying to create a world out of something they saw a teenager wearing on the way to work that morning, fascinated by it and a little scared of it, but never quite grasping it.

I may have been in the restroom when they explained the title. It makes no sense. “Akimbo” means to pose with hands on hips, elbows out, like a two handled tea pot. I love that word, and was curious about its etymology. It doesn’t feel European, but it is, probably from Old Norse. It started out as the phrase “in kennebow”, literally “at sharp angle”.

Rhys Darby is in it, so that’s one bright spot. The only one.